now is the future

This evening as I was folding one of Andalyn's receiving blankets, I was thinking about how strange it was that up until now, this reality I'm living was always in the distant future. It was always, "Well, someday when we have kids..." or "When I'm a stay-at-home mom..." or even, "When we have the baby room done..." :)
This past month has made what seemed to be that far distant future a present reality. I find myself doing exactly what I have only imagined myself doing: Feeding, changing diapers, doing dishes, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping....being a mom. So far I have no complaints. It's a great life when you can say that what you do expresses the core of your nature--mine being that of a nurturer and caretaker. I don't just say that because I've always heard that that's what I as a woman should be. I say it because I know that ever since I was a little girl I've always been inclined to hold the puppy and "rock it," or be the person to make sure everyone was doing okay ("Are you okay? What can I get you? Why are you sad? Let me take care of you and make it better.")
Unfortunately I don't think society has nurtured me to express this side of myself too much. Or at least I haven't nurtured that side. So while I say that this nurturing nature of mine is at the core of my soul, I certainly don't claim to be expert at it yet. I've spent much of my life so far building up other parts of myself. So that being said, this motherhood role has felt a little strange, perhaps foreign and dreamlike, but every day I'm finding that it's becoming more and more free to express itself. No more holding back. I can now do all those wonderful, trivial little domestic things I've always wished I had time for. Well, in between the constant feedings, changings, and cuddles. Which, by the way, is a dream in and of itself.
Our sweet Andalyn is already growing insurmountably. She now probably weighs close to ten pounds or maybe a little more. My efforts to get her nursed and well fed have paid off and I've felt so blessed to do so. As bizarre as breastfeeding is at first, it's pretty cool at the same time.
One of my favorite times of the day with Andalyn so far is when I wake up from a nap and her face is right in front of mine. She's so tiny, but her smallness is magnified in our big bed. It's so fun cuddling with her and looking at her precious, fragile face. I love her smell, her fidgety hands, her high-pitched cries, her milky mouth, and even her spit up.
Michael, in the meantime, is still keeping busy. He's been incredible at getting projects done around the house. He finished the baby room, did some work on the roof, fixed the front door, replaced all the lightbulbs, cleaned out the garage, got our houses refinanced, got life insurance, and on top of all that--he's still been working for Action. He is such a hard worker and I hope every day he is happy.
Today he discovered a whole new kind of happiness when little Andy pooped all over him! We were both so excited that she finally pooped since it's been five whole days without such a blessed event. Okay, maybe I was the only excited one. Michael just stood there in sheer terror at the amount of waste that could actually come out of one small newborn.
The blessing is coming up on the 28th and we're excited to see everyone and to share our little bundle of joy with those who mean the most to us.
Until then...