a letter to an old friend

I finally got around to writing Hunter Draper on his mission.  He was one of Michael's young men that he loved so dearly.  Hunter was unfortunately present at the scene of Michael's death, so he obviously has great ties to our family.
Writing the letter took me back to many of the thoughts and feelings I've had concerning Michael's death.  I thought I'd share....

Dear Elder Draper,          

I want you to know that I have been meaning to write you a letter ever since you left on your mission. I regret that it has taken me this long! Please forgive me but please also know that you've been in my thoughts. I was so very touched by your farewell talk. How grateful I was that you would think to invite me, and even more, that you would send me a copy of your talk. I will keep that talk and one day share it with our daughter, Andi. You expressed so many wonderful things about Michael that I want Andi to be able to hear someday. It will serve as a great reminder to us of the wonderful man Michael was and the wonderful soul we can't wait to be with again someday. We miss him dearly, as you might expect. I still consider him to be one of my very best friends and even though at times, I feel our parting is far longer than I can bear, I also feel and know that it is but a temporary separation and that we will indeed live together again as a family.

I occasionally see pictures of you on Facebook that I'm assuming your mom posts on there. It looks like you're having many adventures and that you're serving honorably. The older I get, the more I realize what a sacrifice and commitment a mission must require. I have also come to see, through life's experiences, that serving an honorable mission, even though it can require much hardship and dedication, can bless one's life and family for the rest of their earthly years (and more, I'm sure.)

I would imagine that serving a successful mission requires a fair measure of goal setting and prioritizing. Those are two concepts that remind me a lot of Michael. As you well know, he was all about setting goals and unfailingly working towards them. He had a quote in his office by Thomas Jefferson that says, "Nothing can stop a man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." Ever since he passed, I have hung that same quote in my closet. It is Michael to a "T" and there is so much truth that can be found in it. I have benefited much from Michael's goal setting. As he got older, he became very conscientious and aware of the financial aspect of life and he very much applied a goal-setting attitude towards our finances. As a result, I was not left as a destitute widow that immediately had to drop everything and go back to work when he died. That has blessed my life immensely, and has blessed the life of our daughter. This goal-setting attitude of his is something I not only credit Michael for, but I credit my Heavenly Father for. For I truly believe it was the Spirit that spoke to Michael in helping him prepare himself and our family for his untimely and unexpected passing. The more time goes on, the more sure I am that the Spirit truly guided Michael that last year of his life to help prepare our family for the uncertain times ahead.

To take all of this one step further, I must add a few more things that have happened, I believe, as a result of Michael's goal-setting attitude and life lived close to the Spirit. The last year before his death, Michael made some important financial decisions that has, in part, benefited and enabled me and Andi to lead a normal life. On top of that, he was working incredibly hard (as you probably remember) to get our family out of debt (his student loans were incredible....Avoid them if at all possible!) I also remember two distinct conversations he initiated with me that I will never forget regarding the "what ifs." He seemed adament on discussing what we should do in case one of us passed away. Those two conversations have carried me through the past four years. They proved to be incredibly important and helpful as I've tried to continue forward with life. When you add all these things together, I believe it put me in a great position to continue moving forward. I was able to meet a fellow widower and marry him two and a half years ago. He has two daughters (his wife passed away during childbirth) and we have blended our families together. Andi now has two sisters and playmates that she loves dearly. She has a fatherly figure in her life. And we now have an additional family to share our lives with. I will be honest in saying that it has not been an easy road blending families. Our life's circumstances have required much of Eric and I to help build a successful family. Our children have their own challenges as well that can create a lot of dedication and sacrifice on our parts as parents. We both miss our previous spouses so very much, but we are undoubtedly blessed to have each other. We are expecting a child due in January, so we'll have to keep you posted. We find out what gender it is next week. I expect for our lives to continue to be a ride, but I take comfort in a talk Elder Ballard gave in a 1997 General Conference. It was a talk about the Utah Pioneers. He says, "Life isn't always easy. At some point in our journey we may feel much as the pioneers did as they crossed Iowa--up to our knees in mud, forced to bury some of our dreams along the way. We all face rocky ridges, with the wind in our face and winter coming on too soon. Sometimes it seems as though there is no end to the dust that stings our eyes and clouds our vision. Sharp edges of despair and discouragement jut out of the terrain to slow our passage. Always, there is a Devil's Gate, which will swing wide open to lure us in. Those who are wise and faithful will steer a course as far from such temptation as possible, while others--sometimes those who are nearest and dearest to us--succumb to the attraction of ease, comfort, convenience, and rest. Occasionally we reach the top of one summit in life, as the pioneers did, only to see more mountain peaks ahead, higher and more challenging than the one we have just traversed. Tapping unseen reservoirs of faith and endurance, we, as did our forebears, inch ever forward toward that day when our voices can join with those of all pioneers who have endured in faith, singing, "All is well! All is well!"

What incredible words of encouragement, wouldn't you say?

Here's a picture of us this past week with Michael's brother, Isaac (I'm sure you remember him.) We went to a Real Salt Lake soccer game and Isaac got us tickets because he works for the Real team. Andi is the one sitting right by Isaac. Her sister Abbey is the one in the stripes.

I hope you can keep me posted on your life. I hope to at least stay "Facebook friends" so I know what's going on. I'd love to come see your homecoming talk if possible. In the meantime, keep working hard and know that you're doing the right thing. You will be so blessed for the good you're doing.