Happy 36th birthday! I wish we could celebrate this day together, but as such, I will once again use this day as another opportunity to celebrate YOU.
I'm always saying and thinking to myself that "Michael taught me so much" and yet I have no idea where to begin in my attempts to expound on that. This year, on your 36th birthday, I am going to try to explain what I mean, even though I know I will only scratch a very large surface. But there's always next year's birthday, right? And the year after that, and the year after that, and the year after that....
Ah, yes....So many years ahead. Years to enjoy the memories, right?
Anyone who was close to you would attest that you were all about GOALS. Self-mastery. To do lists. Dave Ramsey baby steps. It was inspiring and made me want to try harder for myself. :)
Look at this paper. Perfect example of your goal setting and to-do lists. I have kept dozens of these 8 1/2 x 11 papers that you always folded in fourths to use as your daily to-do lists and goals. Look at the tiny handwriting. Love it.
You also taught me that you gotta' treasure the little things. Remember the good moments and cherish the fun.
As an illustration, a note I wrote to you the year before you died. You just came home from a scouting trip. Apparently you liked this note enough to keep it in your keepsakes box. :)
A note you kept from your mama.
A ticket you kept from a Utah/BYU basketball game that you went to with my dad. You would never miss a game against the Y. Go Utes. 'Nuf said.
St. Patrick's Day. Who celebrates this holiday more than you did?! You went all out, as shown!
Treasure the little things, remember the good moments, and cherish the fun.
You helped me realize it's okay to be imperfect.
Not that you didn't want to keep trying, but you hated getting caught up in the endless game of "never good enough." All you cared about was what you yourself considered "good enough." There's a quote you liked by Quentin L. Cook that you kept in some of your mission keepsakes. He says, "Some people who do not find joy are distracted by magnifying small areas of imperfection so as to drive out happiness. Some have allowed their own perceptions of imperfection to cloud the reality of their lives. An objective outsider observing them would conclude that they should be joyful. But they do not feel to rejoice...They have become accustomed to exaggerating small imperfections and underestimating great blessings and have lost the capacity to rejoice..."
You always hated when I was caught up in trying to be "perfect" and this quote reflects that attitude you had.
You had a "keep trying, never give up, go get 'em attitude." I found this quote in your memorabalia:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” --Theodore Roosevelt
Man, that quote is YOU.
Here you are, "in the arena" of our home's foundation walls, "never giving up," and working your butt off.
Okay, next topic. How did you manage the problems of life?
Sometimes, a lot of times, you approached the problems of life as a fighter would do--You took them head on. The more I got to know you, though, I realized that you had a lot of experience on the subject. Life had required you to build a lot of life skills on how to face depression and other downtrodding motions of life. I found a quote you kept in your things (yes, another quote...I loved that you cherished good quotes as I do.) It says, "Who am I? I am a child of God with a spirit lineage to heavenly parents. That parentage defines our eternal potential. That powerful idea is a potent antidepressant. It can strengthen each of us to make righteous choices and to seek the best that is within us. Establish in the mind of a person the powerful idea that he is a child of God, and you have given self-respect and motivation to move against the problems of life."--Dallin H. Oaks
Another way you managed life's burden was to LAUGH. Oh, my word. Your smile and laugh made you who are. Here's a card Aunt Ruthie sent you that reminded me of how much you loved to laugh with all your family and friends:
Always pay your tithing.
A concept you became very firm and steadfast about. You willingly tested your faith concerning this concept and you gained a strong testimony of it in return. Here's your last tithing slip. Always paid in full.
Be the squeaky wheel.
I can't say I think this is always necessary, but I feel confident in saying you DID. Case and point: One of your last pay stubs: You circled and highlighted everything you were sure they needed to correct (and in other words, pay you more for.) Going through those paystubs did in fact prove to be worth your while. THE SQUEAKY WHEEL GETS THE OIL!!!
If you don't know the way, FIND ONE!
No matter how, when, or where, there was no quitting or giving up in Michael Allen's world.
Here you are at our townhouse in AZ, breaking in because we inadvertently locked ourselves out. :)
Appreciate art.
This is something I loved about you. You had a soft side and an open mind which made you a perfect breeding ground for art appreciation. You enjoyed going to concerts of all kinds.
Here are some Les Mis tickets you kept from the '90's. I'm pretty sure this was a special date with a special someone, regardless, you could always enjoy a good play.
Also, here are some tickets you kept from a MoTab Christmas concert you went to with me, my mom, and my dad. Seriously, you kept the tickets. I am reminded why I love you so.
Give good gifts, and never give something without accompanying it with the element of SURPRISE.
Here you are giving me a frying pan for Christmas (a surprise that he knew I wanted so I could make crepes.) Your face says it all. You loved giving gifts. :)
REACH FOR YOUR DREAMS:
A little sign you kept in a keepsake box.
I'll be honest, at first, I mostly got annoyed at all those "dreams" you had. Then the years passed by and I realized that making dreams reality was just what you did. You were good at it.
Check out the plans we made for our future house in Kaysville. We could have made this house so awesome. It WOULD have been awesome.
LOYALTY.
I never realized how powerful a little show of loyalty can be. Your loyalty towards me, towards Andi, towards your brothers, family, friends, etc. was what made you great. What makes you great.
ENJOY LIFE.
And last of all, focus on the positive.
You often reminded me to do so, whether it was through your example or your reminders.
Writing this little blog entry helped me do just that. I needed to remind myself of all the positive things we shared in our life. Sometimes, especially lately, I keep thinking of you and saying to myself, "If I would have done this..." or "If I would have done that..." I also find myself wondering if what we had was even REAL....and wondering whether or not it will ever be real again.
Going through your endless piles of keepsakes reminded me that yes, there is much positive to hold on to and to remember.
Thank you for teaching me and loving me all these things and more.
Happy birthday, Michael.
xoxo
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