thoughts to pass on...

I've gotten to be such an English nerd.  I carry notebooks around with me so I can record the things I sometimes think about.  I've done it for years, but the habit seems to be getting worse.  I think it's partly because now that I have children in my life, I often think of things I want to say to them when they get older.

For instance, the other day I was doing dishes and a thought came to me that I someday hope for my children to think about.  The thing is, as I look back on my first thirty years of life, I can clearly see that there are some things in life that one can control, and there are also plenty of things in one's life that is NOT in control of our own personal agency.
Accepting that fact can be tough, at times.  But isn't it true that you have to focus on what you CAN control?  One thing that is more in your control than not is your ability to work.  That's what I want to tell my kids.  You may not be able to change a lot of things, but you can make a whole lot of things better by working, having a good attitude, and putting energy into life.  In any given situation, you can work.  I have found that to be so very true in my own life.  When hard times have come, working has gotten me through it.  I've focused on what I COULD do, and that has made all the difference.

And here's yet another thought.  The other day in church I heard a speaker say, "Loyalty is the crowning component of love."  Ever since Michael died, the principle of loyalty has really stuck with me.  If there was any one thing Michael was good at, it was being loyal to his loved ones, family members, and friends.  I've thought about loyalty so much as I've lived and observed the past couple of years.  For instance, a while ago I was listening to a conversation between family members, and they were talking about an absent sibling.  It was clear there was plenty to criticize this person for.  Just when I thought the conversation would turn negative (and in some ways, rightfully so), I was shocked at the loyalty shown.  Compliments were paid to the absentee, and positive things were focused on.   I will shamefully admit that at first I felt disappointed that no one would be "real" by acknowledging the obvious misdeeds of the person being talked about.  And then I remembered that those people were doing exactly what they were supposed to do for their family member:  They were being loyal, supportive, and they were offering their loved one a safe place in the world. 
Isn't that what family is for?

I know we don't always get along with our family members.  Sometimes we don't agree with them, we don't like the way they live their lives, and sometimes we just feel super different from the way the rest of our family is.  But the thing is, families need each other.  Different or alike, families are God's way of giving us a built-in network to support us and be a positive place for us in this sometimes dark life.  I know being close to family isn't always looked highly upon, but I challenge my readers to look at it differently.  Why not be loyal to your family by building and maintaining these important relationships--Not only for these people you love, but for yourself as well?  Why not allow yourself the opportunity to have that built-in network of support?  Sometimes I know life is more complicated than the way I'm talking, but I mostly just want to express my ultimate belief in the power of being loyal to family and embracing where you come from.  I believe our greatest friendships and our greatest opportunities to serve can be found within our families. 

And one more cheesy thought:
My friend Alicia is an awesome blogger and I loved what she shared in her last blog post: 
"I remember a lonely and very emotionally stressful time in my life. I had depression. I literally crawled into bed after a 9 hour work day regularly and didn't get out of bed except to eat dinner, brush my teeth and go back to bed because sleeping was better than being awake to the heartache I felt. I was sick, too. During that time in my life, the emotional stress I felt translated into lots of visits to the doctor. Overall, I worked just as hard at being unhappy as times in my life where I worked to be happy. I didn't see it that way at the time, but in hindsight it was exhausting to be that unhappy all. the. time. Now that I am married and raising two children, I am working just as hard to be happy and help them to be happy. It is the same amount of work, with the same emotional ups and emotional downs. Successes and failures. But the difference is "happy work" versus my former "sad work."  My dad pulled me aside one day and said, "What are you so angry about? Why are you so depressed?" I didn't even have the strength to answer. I remember I was slumped over with my head down, too tired to even cry. My dad put his hand on my chin and lifted it up and looked into my eyes and said something I will never forget: "You have forgotten to reach. Reach! You used to reach! Remember to reach now like you used to do. Hold your head up high. You have every right to be happy in life and so reach for it!" Not everyone has a dad that will take the time to tell her to reach. And so I feel a responsibility to share that experience. The fact is, not everyone may have a dad like mine. But everyone has a Father in Heaven with infinite power who will answer your prayers but only if you a) pray and b) work. But the key is to decide what you want and then work for it! Get over self-pity and claim the happiness you deserve."

Love your thoughts, Alicia!  They are definitely "thoughts to pass on....."